Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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