Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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