your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
