Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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