the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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