I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
