AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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