Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
