We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
