she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
