Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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