so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
