Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
