i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
