You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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