We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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