Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
