just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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