It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
