Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
foreskin is a definite game changer
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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