I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
