I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
