we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
