mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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