just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
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Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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