fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize