KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
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This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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