You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
