He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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