I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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