You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
