I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
