I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
