I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
