I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
