I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
