just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
