I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
