Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
they're like a gay fantastic four
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
