you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
