Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
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protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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