Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
