can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize