I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
