Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
