Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
