Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize