Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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