What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
