evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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