Say something about gay babies.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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