Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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