Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
