Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
