my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
