Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
