waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I wish there were birth control emojis
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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