my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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