We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
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i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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