Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
