The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
