my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
