Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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