Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
