He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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