Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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